Awake and Aware

I was in my doctor's office…  I made it, after a hectic morning I was sort of proud to say, I’d gotten everything done, made it on time to the appointment and I had remembered everything I needed to bring.  This was great, I was sure that everything was fine… until the nurse checked my blood pressure and told me that it was high.  WHAT?  I’ve never had high blood pressure, I have great blood pressure,  I’m exercising more than I ever have in my life, I’m eating right, I’m losing a little weight, this couldn’t be right! 

She left, telling me she would recheck it after the appointment with the doctor and in the quiet of that room, I decided I would do my own recheck, checking in with myself.  Breathe, breathe in and out.  I needed to find out what I was feeling and where I was feeling it?  I needed to ignore my thoughts for a minute and focus just on how I feel.  And there in the quiet stillness of that room, in my paper gown, I felt it.  Anxiety and a little mix of fear.  It was small, but very active, a vibration that beat quickly in my chest and throat.  I became aware and frankly a little bit irritated at myself.  As a Life Coach, I’ve been living in the arena of awareness and feelings and “stuff”.  How could I miss this?   

Immediately, I know…. This morning in my rush, I was in my usual mode of operation, maybe it is familiar to you?  Head down, move quickly, worry about everyone else, multitask, get all the things done, check off that checklist and move on.  Isn’t that what we do?  I didn’t create space in myself to be aware of what was happening for me.  I know, being a cancer survivor,  a simple trip to the doctor is never a simple trip to the doctor.  There is always a background of fear, anxiety and trepidation.  Why didn’t I take a minute and give myself a little care?  This day, I was grateful for the doctor who kept me waiting in that room, because once I was able to process these emotions, they dissipated.  The recheck of the blood pressure was  completely uneventful, the nurse even doubted that she did it right the first time.  (I’m sure she did it right the first time) 

Creating awareness can be a small thing.  But small hinges move big doors.  Awareness is a hinge that can open you up.  It creates power for you. It shows you what to do next.  It is all there for us, if only we listen.

 If you want support as you do this, I’m here for you!